.TUESDAY.181207.

N level result is within less than 24hours. and i swear. im fucking nervous. yes. im super fucking nervous. i can't sleep and i don't know what else to do besides blogging of course. hais.

i really can't imgine myself sitting in the hall, waiting for my name to be called. i can't imagine myself seeing justin walking back towards his seat and knowing that my name is going to be called next. i can't imagine myself walking towards mr pang and knowing that im going to receive my results from him. worst, i can't imagine myself looking at my results and knowing that whatever my results is, is going to affect my future. oh fuck. im scared. super duper scared. i dreamt myself being in sec 5 twice. yes. twice. i wouldn't say thats a good thing because the previous time, when i dreamt i went to express, i end up in normal acad. not only that. i ever dreamt of myself being in 3n1. but end up. 3n3. ughx. yes. my dream is not convincing enough if im able to make it to sec 5. oh god. please be with me. please. i really really don't know what to do.

if im able to make it to sec 5. im happy. truly i am. but what if i don't? what if i fail? what if my dream don't come true? oh god. how am i suppose to face my friends? how am i suppose to face my family? how am i suppose to face my mum? what am i suppose to say to them? am i going to be their biggest dissapointment? if it does, am i going to accept the fact that i am? wait. do i even have a choice? oh hell i hate this. please. please. im still hoping. ughx.

never mind. we'll see what happens.